Checking in on Week 36′s Task of 50 Weeks to a Lighter More Loving You.

Your task is to SIT and BE CURIOUS about one of your thoughts that is causing “suffering”.

This can be done in your journal, through meditation, or by talking with a trusted friend, coach, or counselor.

How is that going?

Do you ever wonder why the things you don’t like in your life don’t change?

One reason might be TIME.  

• Life seems too busy and I have to keep going.
• Who has time to SIT?
• Sitting seems like a luxury.
• The spouse, the kids, the job, the house, the dogs, the yard, and on and on….how can I possibly take time to SIT!!

Another reason we don’t SIT and BE CURIOUS is FEAR. 

Fear will stop us from sitting and being curious because if we actually do see what is going on, we will have to change.   No one likes change.  The status quo, the well-worn trail, SEEMS much easier, familiar, comforting.   And, yes, it can be, yet what risks might you face a year or years from now if you don’t alter that thought that is causing you discomfort and dis-contentment?

Then there is the combo of the TIME and FEAR.

• “I don’t have time to delve into my suffering thoughts.  I might become a basket case and not function well.”
• “Looking into my thoughts will make me feel worse about myself because I’ll see how “ugly” my thought life actually is.  I just don’t have time to feel worse about myself.”
• “I delve into my thoughts I might have to deal with unpleasant past experiences.”

I totally get all of those.

Here are some thoughts on those:

• When you are really ready to change and have a better life, you will find the time.  Hopefully this will be before something falls apart, like your health or marriage or relationships or finances.    Time is only an excuse.   So many things are out of our control in life, how you spend your time is not one of them.
• What if I told you it will be EASY to change if you keep SITTING and BEING CURIOUS?  What can happen when we do sit and be curious is what some call a miracle, a break through, a giant AHA.  What that really means is a CHANGE IN PERCEPTION, a CHANGE OF MIND. In the bible it’s called REPENTANCE which actually means a change of mind/thought.  When that happens all of a sudden it is easier to choose differently, to think differently, to be different, and thus, a change in your life.  Those “miracles” help us see more clearly, expand our awareness, and open our hearts.
• When you sit and be curious, the idea is to not beat yourself up over those “ugly” thoughts.  You are allowed to have thoughts and those feelings that might accompany them.  You are not a thought or a feeling.  You are the “being” that is having them.   If you didn’t have that thought who would you be?  The answer to that question is closer to who you really are than that thought or feeling.   (Any time I’ve asked my self that question about a thought or feeling, the answer is usually, more at peace, more compassionate, more loving.   I’m actually a great human being….as are you!)
• A definition of LOVING-KINDNESS is returning someone or something to its loveliness.  As you are curious about your thoughts, meet them with loving-kindness.  Meet your self with loving-kindness.  Loving-kindness includes compassion, understanding, patience, gentleness, acceptance, and non-judgment. No need to become a basket case or throw yourself into despair.   As  you do this, watch your thoughts and your self become more lovely.  A side benefit is you may notice your energy increases.  Fear and effort to change will not be an issue.  It just starts to happen.
• Will you have to meet and deal with a PAST experience?  No one will escape life without experiencing someone’s inability to love well or love you the way you needed.  Nor will we escape hurting someone due to unloving behaviors or not loving someone the way they needed.   Unless you’ve already done some forgiveness work, (and do so on a daily basis, because encountering and handing out unloving behaviors, known and unknown, happen daily), I dare say, YES, you might have to deal with a past issue that has caused a suffering trail in your thinking life.  Even a natural disaster or accident can leave a “suffering thought trails,” like anxiety or anger.  In those incidences, we try to find someone to blame. Sometimes it ends up being our self or God.  Again, forgiveness is going to play a part here.   Check out Week 6 for more info on forgiveness.
• If we could have a totally vulnerable SIT with a group of people, where everyone is being totally honest and real, we would discover everyone has “ugly” and “suffering thoughts.”  No need to beat your self up about this.  Welcome to the HUMAN RACE CLUB!  I club that is more exclusive, but wide open to everyone, is the SIT AND BE CURIOUS CLUB!
• Will you ever be FREE of those kind of thoughts?  I believe it is possible.  Eventually, they stop appearing altogether because they have been brought into the LIGHT…into awareness.  You will be able to catch them, see them for what they are and where they came from, then choose a different way to act when they are present.   Their power has been reduced and thwarted as a force in your behavior and choices.  One day you may just notice that you haven’t gone down that thought trail in a long time.

Lastly, a word about being CURIOUS.  Being curious means one is open to learning.  Be open to learn about your trails and how your particular mind is working.  Be open to learn how all our minds work in general (check out THIS LIST).

Being open to learning will provide you with opportunities for those “miracles”, those shift in perspectives that can start you down different trails, different ways of being and choosing, to a better life of more peace, joy, and love.

Cheering You on to a Whole Miracle Experienced Heart,
Barbara